If all the girls I thought I could actually be with are the girls that it won't work with… and every other way to meet others hurts me even more… then what's the point? there was k. and she left.. and has a boyfriend. there was b. and i screwed up… and she's not ready. there was m. and she wasn't ready in any way.. and the heartache i went through to realize that because nothing made sense otherwise. there was l. and that was a disaster in every way. there was n. and i screwed up beyond any chance of fixing things.. i got what i reaped in the end. there was b. and i let go of the chance because of trying to be faithful to m. and now.. well, that chance is gone. … and all the other countless ones that failed or didn't materialize before they even started…. the women i'm attracted now are those who don't want relationships at all. i've moved from the incredibly needy and the insecure to the satisfied and needing brotherhod… i told myself i wouldn't settle. and now I don't settle.. but I meet someone and they just want to be a friend. and that's fine. fuck, that's my life! i want to be a counsellor and friend… but that's my work… i don't want that in every single relationship… or with every possible girl that I like… i dont want to pigeonhole myself into that… what can i say or do in the end? i can't *make* someone like me more than a friend or brother. b. on friday night just showed me how that is simply the case. *crying*