Enme

What’s inside enme. Midiane writes about life as a writer and himself, the writing process, his daily life, the difficult past, and the future.

Browsing Posts published in May, 2006

Person’s name has been removed and convo slightly edited… otherwise, the first time in months to think about or even talk about the Incarnation.

Misteka says:
last night i was watching the movie “vanilla sky”
Misteka says:
and in the end, i became aware of eternity.
Misteka says:
not in any spiritual way… just a distinct awareness of eternity.
Misteka says:
ive been struggling with my faith for months now…
Misteka says:
and for a brief moment.. all i could think about was
Misteka says:
the incarnation and the transfiguration.
Misteka says:
i alway say to myself and others.. if im being honest and not hiding..
Misteka says:
‘remember the incarnation…’
Misteka says:
‘always remember the incarnation’
Misteka says:
in everything i do and say and deal with people… i try to remember the incarnation.
Misteka says:
even as i live far away from god.
says:
how?
Misteka says:
how to remember the incarnation?
says:
how do u connect the incarnation with everything else?
Misteka says:
i havent thought about this properly in months.. but ill try to remember..
says:
it sounds very positie
says:
don’t forget to let me know
says:
I’m not quite sure i got your point
Misteka says:
gimme a few mins.. im looking thru my old blog posts.. i wrote about this..
Misteka says:
im reading them to help me jog my memory

……

Misteka says:
ok..
Misteka says:
but im starting to remember…
says:

Misteka says:
the incarnation is the deepest, most risky way to engage with the world.
Misteka says:
it involves you to enter someone’s world or even your world or any situation
Misteka says:
and become fully part of it.
Misteka says:
nothing no more, in the eyes of the incarnation, is void of God.
Misteka says:
nothing can be called ‘evil’ or ‘bad’…
Misteka says:
because God is in all and through all
Misteka says:
the Incarnation doesn’t believe in class systems..
Misteka says:
or social structures or values/principles that exclude us from others
says:
wow….that’s simply beautiful
Misteka says:
when I deal with someone.. speak to someone..
Misteka says:
u have to incarnate yourself with that person’s body and feelings and soul
says:
isn’t that dangerous?
Misteka says:
yes
says:
ok, so u better not become fully part of it
Misteka says:
no
Misteka says:
u have to become part of it.
says:
before I go on, are u putting this theory in paralel with Christ’s incarnation?
Misteka says:
the mystery is.. that u become part of it.. but u dont give yourself up..
Misteka says:
or detract from yourself..
Misteka says:
yes.
says:
oh i see
says:
or u could tell that u are the one that influences whatever environment u’re in, through this incarnation!?
Misteka says:
yes.
Misteka says:
no matter where u r
Misteka says:
or where u work
Misteka says:
to become fully immersed in the place
Misteka says:
in relation to work or people or marriage or service or hobby
Misteka says:
and to do whatever it is you are called to do.
Misteka says:
without a life rooted in the Incarnation, no other Christian mystery is even remotely possible.
Misteka says:
eucharist is dead without the Incarnation.

Right now, nothing burdens me. Nothing.

My eyes are focused purely on the object of all my worship, time, energy, and hope.

And this object I worship is making me unhappy. I’m incredibly unhappy. As much as I am light and life is incredibly simple right now, I am very sad, brought low, and listless.

I don’t want to worship you anymore. What is your name?

Your name is Relationships. I’ve been seeking you all my life, all my conscious life, and I’ve never found you. I’ve kept you close in my heart. Now, I don’t know if you can be worshipped.

I’ve dropped my priorities, hurt myself, wasted money, wasted time, thought about you endlessly and you really don’t care. You exist because I exist. I don’t exist, you don’t exist. I’m basically worshipping creation of my own hands. A creator worshipping his created…

If I take you away now, if I stop worshipping you, if I rip you out of my body because you’ve become my heart, would I live? Would I know myself? Would I be able to live? Would I die?

And then what next.. how about comedy? Being the funny guy? And then how about the on-line world? Turning my involvement on the Net into a determined function, not this wholly encompassing lifestyle. So, no more endless pursuits for relationships, no more comedy, no more total reliance and dependence on the Net?

What do I have left? *Crying*