Right now, nothing burdens me. Nothing.

My eyes are focused purely on the object of all my worship, time, energy, and hope.

And this object I worship is making me unhappy. I’m incredibly unhappy. As much as I am light and life is incredibly simple right now, I am very sad, brought low, and listless.

I don’t want to worship you anymore. What is your name?

Your name is Relationships. I’ve been seeking you all my life, all my conscious life, and I’ve never found you. I’ve kept you close in my heart. Now, I don’t know if you can be worshipped.

I’ve dropped my priorities, hurt myself, wasted money, wasted time, thought about you endlessly and you really don’t care. You exist because I exist. I don’t exist, you don’t exist. I’m basically worshipping creation of my own hands. A creator worshipping his created…

If I take you away now, if I stop worshipping you, if I rip you out of my body because you’ve become my heart, would I live? Would I know myself? Would I be able to live? Would I die?

And then what next.. how about comedy? Being the funny guy? And then how about the on-line world? Turning my involvement on the Net into a determined function, not this wholly encompassing lifestyle. So, no more endless pursuits for relationships, no more comedy, no more total reliance and dependence on the Net?

What do I have left? *Crying*