I haven’t had much strength and interest to write on here for all this time since my last post because the last two months have been very taxing. I think I left somewhere off after finishing a course of counselling.
A really shortened summary of what ensued: we moved to a new house on the golf [...]

Many years ago, I was very active in ministry in London. I would have mentioned this in earlier posts as it was a defining feature of my life and identity for a long time. This post is the first official and explicit piece about it all.

On April 1st, I'll be moving into my new flat in Douglasdale, close to Fourways, in the Northern suburbs of Johannesburg.
It's a great flat, very similar in feel and function as my flat in Cricklewood, Northwest London. I will furnish this from scratch. This weekend, I bought cutlery and basic kitchen amenities.
In 2006, I left [...]

I'm human and I gave up.
I wasn't even aware that I was seceding everything to absolute nothingness, unproductivity, and despair. A cold sense of irony pervades me as I write this; having championed and fought so hard for self-awareness, I didn't sense I was falling and with it, my plans and hopes for a [...]

It started yesterday with listening to a Gregorian liturgy that I haven’t listened to in at least 3 years. At the symphonic cry of “… is with you all!”, memories flooded back from my time in London – service, faith, church – and my eyes watered.
For the rest of the day, the mention or thought [...]

This is technically last night’s evening writing section, part of my self-enforced routine to write twice every day. So, when I say “yesterday”, it should read as “today”.
I’ve picked first thing in the morning and last thing in the evening because they are the hardest, darkest times for me. My vision for this routine [...]

“Leadership is about character, not charisma. If a leader uses big words and the church isn’t moved one foot, then that person is not a leader. For the big words can be said, but it can come from an empty life.” Fr. Bishoy Andrawis, Spiritual Leadership

Everytime I come before this blank slate, to put down my words and thoughts, I revisit the same questions.
Why am I writing? To whom am I writing this? What’s the effect on me? What’s the purpose?
This time, I don’t have answers to any of those questions. When I go still, quiet, and empty, I think [...]